What I’m thinking right now

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So yeah, again: it's time.

I had a blazing row with my boss last Friday. I’ve been working till ten most evenings, coming in at 8.30, trying to get our latest issue finished. Then he told me off for not fixing a problem I’d brought to his attention a couple of months ago. Apparently, I should have demanded more forcefully that he fix it.

I was tired and irritable. But still, I just had to stand up for myself. For several weeks, ever since I started working four days a week, he’s been hyper-critical. He clearly thinks I’m halfway out the door and not working hard. The truth is I’ve had just as much work to do in less time, so I’m working my ass off.

I don’t really know, looking back, why I’ve stayed in this job so long. I’ve hated it for a long time. There’s just always been a reason not to move on. The central problem is that I’ve wanted to move on from business journalism to news, which isn’t an easy journey to make. It requires me to produce material in my spare time, which I’ve basically been failing to do for four years. That was why I went four days a week in the first place.

I feel now, though, for the first time, that my current job has reached such an impasse that it would be worth leaving even to go to another business journalism job. That sounds very defeatist; but it’s not, strangely. It’s more that before, I was idly thinking about jobs I’d like to move to but not in any realistic way. Now I’m trying to really get to grips with it.

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